So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
