I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
