Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
