the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
