Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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