its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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