Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
