she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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