i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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