Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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