Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
