he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
