The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
