Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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