i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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