You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
