i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
