What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
