I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
