it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
