please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
