Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
