my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
