i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm just crazy horny about you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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