2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
