I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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