friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
