I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
