It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
