She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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