Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize