Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
