good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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