Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
