So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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