just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
