I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
