Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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