I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
