It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
