"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
