When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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