Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Pants are for mortals
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
