Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
