i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
