I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
