too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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