He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
being pregnant is like rehab
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
