watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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