I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
