I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
