Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
