i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
