You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
