i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
