you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
